Thinking about it ancient Indians are probably as known for their sex obsession as anything else. Everyone has heard about karma sutra and its ancient, body bending sexual yoga. The butt of many jokes and the reason for much school boy-esque sniggering. Apart from the playing cards with intricately rude poses adorning them that were passed around maths classes having been snuck back home after someone went on an exotic holiday (the only real chance anybody from my school had of seeing a naked lady), I had never actually seen any images of the temples where these rude configurations are located. I know that some of them are to be found in some ancient and extreme sex education book (the karma sutra), which must have seem more vulgar than the modern funny versions.
However, regardless of all this, there is actually a town in India, fairly far away from anywhere, where you can find the sexually explicit temples – aka the sex temples. Khajuraho is a small town that has grown up around a fairly large number of excellently preserved Hindu temples. To be honest, before coming to the town I was a bit sceptical of making such a long detour for some pornographic ruins. However, I can not recommend Khajuraho more highly. This is not even my immature willy-drawing mind saying this, it really is an incredible place.
The actual town is split into two areas. There is the new town which has actually grown up around the main temple site and then the old town around which you can find a number of other temples. The new town really exists only for the reason of the temples and the money the tourists bring in. The actual temples became lost with time to the outside world until a British general rediscovered them after hearing farmers talk about them. Despite being a tourist town there are a number of good cheap places to stay and, if you look for it, some very good food, including thali with regional fresh vegetables in that I have not seen anywhere else.
You only really need a couple of days in the town, but I would devote one to the free temples in the south and east and the other to the paid for sex temples in the north and west. The paid for temples are arguably in much better condition and contain far more lewd images including an orgy involving a horse… (no really it’s pretty gross). However, in a slightly perverse attempt to make the experience better for the tourists, the immaculate lawns and flower beds that surround the temple actually detract from the nature of the ruins. Some of the temples in the south are far less maintained, and due to not so many people visiting them, have retained something of the mystery and the aura that must have been there when they were first rediscovered. If you go, make sure you get to the ones further south as well. Try get to these smaller, free temples for sunset, in my opinion these are the most special and retain some of the magical quality that ruins have.
However, having said that the temples in the paid for section are fucking (no pun intended) incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a temple before that is covered in so much intricately carved figures, animals and scenes. It is almost too much to look at. There are only about 5 or 6 small temples but the fact that they are covered so densely means it will take a full day to get round them all.
If you don’t want to splash out on a guide, stick near some rich people who have. The guides will make sure that the pervert in all of us is happy, pointing out the rudest and most acrobatic positions that adorns the buildings. It is almost a spectacle in itself to watch even the most prude and sensible looking people reduced to hidden giggling as you try to make sense of the various positions, and everyone takes photos for their own personal records. Don’t be embarrassed by your childish thoughts, people have been blushing in front of these far longer than you have been around. I would imagine going round with your parents could be a little more challenging though.
We spent hours making our way around the temples, watching as guides shone mirrors to reflect light on the various nipples and willies.
However we did also manage to find some incredibly cute puppies living in a tree. So if you need to release your inner child and potentially be in luck of seeing some puppies living in a tree then get over to Khajuraho fast. Mostly because the puppies will be grown up before long. However for absolutely incredible carvings, arguably the best you may ever be able to see from this age of time, then Khajuraho and the karma sutra temples are definitely worth the long journey to get there. A lot of people miss it off from their trip but find the time and you’ll be that annoying person telling everyone they missed out. Also you can buy key-rings with sex positions on that you can make move which is always worth a lol and can help break the ice at any/most situations. Potentially at a funeral or meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time could be bad, but brought along as a guest to a party you’ve never met anyone before and pull out a karma sutra key ring which you can make the two figures shag and you’ll be best friends with them for life.