Cheeky Cows

Cows are everywhere in India, and while this not a secret I had never realised how cheeky Indian Cows were. Due to the fact that Cows are seen as sacred animals in Hinduism (the majority religion in India by far), they are now able to roam the streets and do as they please. Cows walk around the streets just as if they were humans, cars have to navigate around them and people have to watch their footing as they tackle the ever present threat of a fresh cow pat decorating the road.

Indian Cows
Indian Cows

While I understand and respect that cows are seen in deity tinted light, you cannot help but notice how much the cows know that they can do whatever they want. I think this has given rise to a new breed of Cheeky Indian Cows. In a similar vain to spoilt, middle class children they do as they please, when they please, and with little to no consequence.

If a cow is a bit tired, no need to look around for an actual hotel, motel, or holiday inn, the ground that they walk on at that very moment is transformed at the expense of everyone else to a luxury bed. If this happens to be in the middle of a road, or covering the entire walkway in a tiny path in the medieval fortress of Jaisalmer it doesn’t matter. The Indian Cows know their place in the pecking order and will take advantage of this.

Indian Cows
Indian Cows

While the rest of the civilised population have to make do with holding in their business until they find a suitable toilet, the Indian cows release their brown matter when they want. The pathways and roads become littered with a healthy splattering of turd, making the once cobbled streets look like a rather smelly Jackson Pollock. I realise that other animals also do as they please, but the Indian Cow is almost a member of society and their open defecation policy seems like they are taking a bit of a liberty. I think even the Pharaohs of Egypt, who saw themselves as Gods probably still made use of a toilet rather than just evacuating a brown one whenever they felt like it. If everyone were to do this we would be literally swimming in poo. However, if you are looking for a new business venture, get yourself over to India with some poopascoppers and pick up the remains of the Indian Cows and start a manure business. While everyone would applaud your civic service of clearing the hazardous splats you would also be racking in your well deserved poo money.

Indian Cows
Indian Cows

You might be able to say that some cows are elegant and graceful as they slowly plod around the Indian cityscapes, silent and spy-like they are not. While everyone does put up with cows to a great extent, there are moments when people get a bit annoyed with their sitting as they please and also constant missions to steal food. It is excellent watching to sit near a food stall, or market seller with a healthy plethora of fresh vegetables and watch as a cow tries in vain to sneak up and nab some tasty tomatoes or spring onions.

I am going to put it out there now that the next James Bond is not going to be a cow. A semi-deity they may be, but a spy they are not. A cow’s sneaking ability is next to nothing. They are about the same size as any food cart, so being able to spot one try to casually make its way towards the cart, with an air of ‘I’m just going about my business walking down this street so don’t mind me’, but really have plans of grabbing something from the cart is incredibly easy. Subtlety is not their forte, and while they do just roam around the street, an Indian cow on a mission to sneak some food is easy to spot. It seems that this is the point where devotion turns to annoyance. People may be able to put up with the sitting and the turds, the nabbing of food is not okay.

However, having said this I have seen a cow making its way along the road, the naturally very proud owner (even if stolen) of a bag of tomatoes. Probably not knowing what they were, the cow delicately made a hole in the bag by stomping on it, releasing the delicious red juice of the fruit. Having realised she had managed to bag some actual food in a rare successful raiding mission, the cow decided the best option, in regards to making sure no other Indian cows were to share the prize, or that a human may take it back, was to eat everything – bag and all. So in one quick chomp the 3 tomatoes and plastic bag were gone. The cow’s multiple stomachs would have to deal with the not so digestible plastic bag, but the liteal fruits of her labour had been consumed and gave hope to the other cheeky Indian cows that seemed to nod their heads in acknowledgement.

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